The calm sometimes brings the fear...frustration...

Yep-it hit like a ton of bricks Tuesday. My daughter, who was "suppose" to only have 1 surgery, who was "suppose" to be fixed with that 1 surgery, and who IS happy, energetic and otherwise healthy is going to have her 2nd open heart surgery. Now we aren't talking about a surgery to correct HLHS (hyperplastic leftheart syndrom), or even a valve replacement. No-instead Jordan's ticker decided to grow a membrane that is causing the pressures to go up and her back into surgery. Back to bypass, back to PIC lines, back to chest tubes, IVs and the constant worry of what that loud beep or alarm means. Remembering that she deals better with Nubane than Morphine. And the biggest worry of all-will my baby make it through this?

I know in my head that yes-she will. That Jordan is a fighter and she's shown this before! She's proven that she can handle pain time and time again! Half the time we don't know that there is even something bothering her. That though, it part of my worries.

I know that she is in the best of hands with Dr Davis. He has done some amazing things to not only Jordan but a lot of her heart friends too!

My head just needs to convince my heart.

The part that really stinks about this whole thing is that Jordan has to go through all of this again. Like most parents, I would switch places with her in a minute if it meant she didn't have to experience the pain.

Would I change the whole thing if I could?? I don't know. While I would never wish this on any child, this path set before us has led us to some amazing people and a new part of our family-our Heart Family. Jordan has let us meet people we would have never met before. I wouldn't be active with Heart Friends or the AHA's Heart Walk.

She has also reminded what is important in life. That every day is not a promise but a gift.

Yesterday, I found out that another Heart kiddo will be looking at surgery in the next few weeks also! While it stinks that he has to have surgery, I have to admit it will be nice to see a familar face going through some of the same anxieties, fears, and anticipations for our kids.

Please keep Logan Jacks, who will be having surgery, and Andrew Huegel, who will be having a cath proceedure, both in the upcoming weeks, in your prayers. And of course, please also keep Jorgie Porgie in your prayers :-)

I hope everyone has a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Have fun and stay safe!!

Until Next Time!
Tracey